Black Humor in Romania

Here are some Jokes by Romanians, about Romania and her neighbors, compiled by Alexander Miller, dramaturg of Carnegie Mellon’s production of Mad Forest

Did you hear that since the spring living standards in Romania have doubled? Before we were cold and hungry – now we’re only hungry.

Romanians who did not die from cold during the past winter and those who didn’t die of starvation during the past summer are to be hanged soon on suspicion of membership in the Resistance movement.

What will the Palace of the People (a grandiose monstrosity built under Ceauşescu while the population starved) be called when its finished? A Mausoleum.

Why are there no pornographic magazines in Romania? Because the first page would be too horrible.
-This joke is a reference to the fact that on the front of every Romanian Magazine, there would be a picture of the Ceasescus.

Two neighbors meet one morning.

  • – What’s going on with you, dear? Are you sick?
  • – No, why do you ask?
  • – Well, I saw the doctor come out of your apartment.
  • – So? I saw three soldiers come out of yours. Did I ask you if the war started?

The typical Romanian peasant, Badea Gheorghe, arrives in front of the Government Building in Bucharest. He leaves his bicycle against a fence and starts looking around.
The security guard:

  • – Bade, you shouldn’t leave your bike here like that! The ministers, the prime-minister are coming…
  • – Oh, don’t worry about it! I secured it with a chain and put a lock on it!

Napoleon comes back to life and visits the USA, the USSR and Romania.
After his visit to the USA, he tells the president: “If I had had your military equipment and training, I wouldn’t have lost the battle of Waterloo!”
He goes to the USSR and at the end of his visit, he tells the Russian president: “If I had had your KGB and espionage system, I wouldn’t have lost the battle of Waterloo!”
He comes to Romania and, at the airport, before leaving, he tells Ceausescu: “If I had had your press, television and media, no one to this day would have known I lost the battle of Waterloo!”

A Romanian, an American, a German, a Russian and a Turk participate in a contest. Each has to praise their country of origin. The Russian says they’ve got the most beautiful women, the Turk that they have the best rugs, the German that they have the best military tactics and the American that they have the best precision. Seeing what the others had said, the Romanian ponders for a while and finally answers:
– We Romanians, we f*ck Russian women on Turkish rugs with an American precision and German tactics.

An American, a Frenchman and a Romanian were flying together.
– Now we’re in America, said the American proudly. Look, the Statue of Liberty!
After several hours, the Frenchman says:
– Now we’re in France! Look, the Eiffel Tower!
After some more couple of hours, the Romanian says:
– We are in Romania.
– How did you realize that? It’s dark outside.
– My wrist watch has disappeared.

Big cataclysm in Romania: 100.000 people perish. Immediately, Europe offers aid:
France: 100 tons of clothes
England: 1 million pounds
Germany: 1000 tons of medicines
Austria: 10 tons of food
Italy: 100,000 Romanians

For more on the subversiveness of humor in Romania under Ceauşescu’s regime:

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